Shayna Paina

That was my nickname for my sister-”Shayna Paina”, because she was such a pain. On her birthday this year, the last she ever had, I even called her and said “Happy Birthday Shayna Paina”, just for old times’ sake.

I hadn’t always felt that way, of course. When she was first brought home from the hospital, when I was just over 2 years old, I referred to her as “my baby”; and when she cried, I’d say “don’t tie-you all night” (“don’t cry, you’re all right”) and try to soothe her. Just like while she was fighting cancer, I didn’t want my little sister to be in pain and/or cry then either.

No, she became Shayna Paina much later. My parents were separated when Shayna was born. They got back together eventually (only to divorce 6-7 years later), but my father had missed her birth. Whether that is significant in and of itself, I’m not sure. However, what I am sure of is that for as long as I remembered, dad always showed favoritism toward my sister. It was so prevalent, mom says, that by the time Shayna was a teenager, it made her feel bad, despite the fact that there was nothing she could do about it, and nothing she did caused it.

Today, I don’t begrudge my sister anything. However, I can’t say that was true while growing up. I harbored some resentment towards her, as she was the apple of daddy’s eye, and I felt I should be, given that I am the first-born son. So, when dad was involved, anytime anything would happen, I’d get in trouble. If Shayna cried, I was immediately at fault for doing something wrong.

I’m not going to lie and say I was a perfect angel, or even a “good” brother most of the time-that would be a blatant lie. However, there were plenty of times I for in trouble when I did nothing wrong, just by virtue of her crying. It was a sneaky little trick!

Eventually, I caught on, and figured if she cried, I knew I’d get into trouble, so I may as well make it worth it and hit her or something and give her a reason to cry. I told you I wasn’t going to lie…I gave her plenty of reasons to cry. Hell, if I was going to get in trouble for something, I may as well get in troubel for something I’d actually done, right?

This continued for a long time. Although we were close in High School, sitting together at lunch (I was dating one of her friends) most of the time, by no means did that mean that I didn’t think she was a pain in the ass still, and I know she felt the same of me. We tolerated each other; we didn’t despise each other.

Of course, as young adults, we got closer, despite the difference. I was home from college when she told mom that she was pregnant around Christmas 1995-I told her she had to tell her while I was still there, because we really didn’t know how mom would react. I think that was the beginning of me realizing she just wasn’t my little sister anymore, she was an adult (despite that she was 17) and I don’t remember any hard feelings between us after that. Our interaction had been forever changed from that moment forward.