Monthly Archives: March 2010

Ok, so my bachelor party is supposed to be on this Saturday and I have no freakin’ clue what to do.

I don’t know who may come, so I’m looking somewhere maybe in the Lansing or Kalamazoo area, and likely to start with bowling (meeting at the alley), and then possibly heading off to a strip club.

Any ideas?

Also, anyone want to be the designated driver, because I’m sure as hell not going to be sober enough to drive…

Or, if you just want to look at it from a “days AND hours” standpoint, it’s 10 days and about 13 ^1/2 hours.

What is it? That’s how long, from the time I started writing this post, until I’m married again. You know, the second marriage. The one after my practice marriage–the real one.

I would like to say that I’m nervous, that I’m having second thoughts, that it scares the hell out of me…but, none of that is true. I’m considerably not nervous or scared about it, nor am I second-guessing it. For whatever reason(s), and I’ll try to get to those below, I am 100% comfortable with it.

Although I don’t want to harp on it, I’ll touch on my first marriage. We got married in October 1998, the same week we found out she was pregnant, practically after having known each other only since that August…we both thought there were feelings there, and as much as we said they were, if the situation wasn’t as it was (both of us in the Navy, her heading to the East Coast, me likely heading to the West Coast), then we wouldn’t have gotten married. Essentially, thanks to the Navy and my deployment/schooling, we’d been married for 14 months before we had even lived together.

We lasted until February 2002 before we separated, then filed for divorce, and we were finally divorced on September 11, 2004. I’d like to say we have an awesome relationship now that we’re not together, since we’re just parents to Justyce and Colbi Lyn, but we don’t, and she knows that as well as I do. We don’t see eye-to-eye on far too many things-there’s a reason why we’re not still married. We could not have survived together, and at least we split up when our kids were far too young to remember “mommy and daddy” being married. I consider that a good thing.

Back to my impending wedding and nuptials to Miss Mary Elizabeth Klaiss… We met at my best friends wedding in 2004, she was 18 and I was 28. I was actually her first kiss (I didn’t realize it at the time). Long story short, she got my phone number and called me a couple weeks later, and we chatted from that point forward, minus a year or so when we’d lost touch. We know each others deepest, darkest secrets, we’ve held nothing back from each other.

Last year, when I came back to visit, we decided to go out on a proper “date”, well, to a movie at least. We’d gone out once before, in 2004 when I was home over Thanksgiving, I went with her for her first tattoo. We hadn’t actually seen each other since then (I’d come home a couple times, for a couple funerals and for Christmas 2006, but that was when we had lost touch). Anyway, the date was great, our interaction was great, and it wasn’t one of those awkward “we can talk for hours on the computer but can’t hold a conversation in person” things.

While I was there, since it was so good, we threw caution into the wind and decided to be together, which in this situation, meant she had to move out to California. As crazy as I was for telling her to pack her stuff up and move out to Cali with me, she was even crazier to do it (and, of course, bringing Devin along). Unfortunately, she got here during the absolute worst possible time, as I was going through my Chief’s Induction. It was great, because it was well-deserved and where my career needed to go, but it was a horrible time, with me getting up at 4am, leaving right away, and most nights not returning until about 10pm or so, just exhausted. She was out here with no family, no friends, and no car.

As horrible as it was, and as much as Mary hated it and struggled through it, the point was that we made it through it. We’ve had some issues, as she was used to it just being her and Devin, and now you throw Justyce, Colbi and I into the situation, and it changes life substantially. For me? I’d been single so damn long that I had to adjust to another adult living in my house and being part of things…and, to not pissing my money away, talking with her about it (she handles the finances for this reason) before making purchases and spending money.

I knew in September I was going to ask her to marry me. She stuck through me with the hell of Chief’s Induction, I really enjoyed her being around, and I love her and Devin. I called both her mom and her dad to ask their permission to ask her to marry me. Keep in mind, at this point I’d never actually met her dad (I’d met her mom briefly a couple times). They both gave it their blessing.

I waited until November to ask her, because I wanted to make it special, so I decided to do it during the last cheering station of the Breast Cancer 3-Day, as she’d been there cheering me on the entire 6 days I walked. The only two people I’d told that I was going to ask her to marry me during then was my oldest daughter, Justyce, and my sister, Shayna. Let me say this though: Mary knew it was coming, as we’d talked about it. She didn’t uproot her life to come out here just to hang out with me. We just had this sneaking feeling it would work…and luckily it did.

Fast-forward to today and I couldn’t be happier or more confident with our decision. I’ve never been with someone this long without needing a “break” from them. That’s what I realized this past week, and that’s what I told Mary-I’ve spent more time with her in the past 7 1/2 months than I’ve spent with anyone else I’ve ever been with, and I’ve never once needed to just take off for the night, or hung up on her, or ignored her phone calls (I’m not proud to admit it, but yes, I’ve done that in other relationships, particularly my last two). I look forward to coming home every day, and on the off-chance her car is not in the driveway when I get home, I’m disappointed. I genuinely love spending time with Mary.

I’ll admit also though, that we’re far from perfect. We’re essentially Male/Female versions of the same person, and we’re stubborn, so obviously we butt heads on occasion. I have very, very, very many flaws, and Mary has a few as well. But, unlike other situations, Mary’s flaws haven’t made me want to disappear for days on end. I actually put up with her! How the hell she puts up with me, I have no freakin’ clue. But, she does. And she apparently wants to for the next “64 years” (that’s how long she keeps telling me I have to live and be with her).

Don’t get me wrong, I’m nervous about the wedding as far as getting the last few things wrapped up, particularly because our trip back home a few weeks ago cost so much money (I’m not talking about the money to fly back-that was loaned to us from the Navy-Marine Corps Relief Society-I’m talking about the gas to drive around, the almost-constant eating out, etc.) that we’re not as well-off as we had planned to be, and we still have to, most of all, cater our reception (ourselves). Not to mention some money for the Bachelorette/Bachelor parties…

But, nervous about spending the rest of my life with Mary? Not at all. These past 7 1/2 months have been some of the best of my life personally, even with all the stuff that’s happened (the loss of my sister, Chief’s Induction, issues at work). I can truly say that in 10 days, 12 hours and about 45 minutes, I’ll be marrying my best friend. There’s nothing nerve-racking about that, and the only second thought I have about it is “why the hell didn’t we figure this out years ago?”

My late sister’s husband’s sister (got that?) Wendy is family for me, whether we’re technically linked or not. We grew up together, we’ve known each other for 25+ years, and her brother married my sister. So, I’m passing this on for her:

Retro Prom

I’ll let Wendy explain it herself:

In an effort to fundraise for expenses for the Vickery family and the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer 3 Day Walk that I will be completing in Chicago on Aug. 6-8 in memory of my courageous sister-in-law Shayna and in honor of my best friend Stacy, I am hosting a retro prom at the Stagecoach Barn in Richland. With the help of many friends, I have prizes donated that range from Pampered Chef to Pure Romance and many areas in between and there’s a lot of range there, huh? Springport Motor Speedway has graciously donated several prizes, as well as offered us a great deal for tickets. We will have tickets for $12 with 50% being donated back to us, so if you like racing or know someone who does, please support this amazing establishment! I also have a friend who has offered to do updos and haircuts the day of prom for $25 with the proceeds going to us. If I ever question the blessings in my life, I will look around and remember this time in my life. I could not pull this off without all that I have been given from others. All that remains is the night of prom. Come dressed for a good time! We will have a contest for best man, woman, and couple in retro prom attire. If you have ever wanted to re-do or re-live or even attend prom as you have never, now is the time! April 10, 2010 from 9pm-1am, join us with special guests Tangent as we party the night away in an effort to raise funds to help save 2nd base!

All I can say is “damn I’m jealous I can’t be there!”