Daily Archives: February 20, 2010

I’m sitting here at work, however, my mind is just not into being productive in any sort of work-related field. I am more interested in clearing my mind of a few things, which is why I *just* wrote a blog post and immediately have started this one…

I have dealt with a lot of loss in my life, more than some, less than others, but a lot considering I’m only 34 years old. I have had friends die (like Drew Manning and Jimmy Kuykendall), and I’ve lost all my grandparents, and even my father.

My Maternal Grandfather (Richard A. Wood), a WWII Army Veteran, passed before I was born; I ended up with his first name as my middle name. About 10-12 years later, my Grandma re-married, to Donald Eldridge, the man I knew as Grandpa since I was about 9 years old.

My Paternal Grandfather (Robert Himebaugh), an Air Force Veteran, passed when I was in 8th grade. We saw Grandpa Bob many times, but we were never close. He was very old-school and wasn’t someone who was very affectionate, but we loved him just the same, and we knew he loved us. I have no idea how long it had been that I had talked to him before he was gone. He died of a heart attack at the age of 59.

My senior year of high school, I lost my Paternal Grandmother (Ruth Himebaugh). She did not handle Grandpa’s death very well, as she had been with him since she was a young teenager (which wasn’t uncommon back then). Grandma had a lot of alcohol-related issues after Grandpa was gone, and even once was found in her driveway with a .3+ blood-alcohol level. They don’t know if she had just returned or if she was trying to leave and passed out. Either way, it was suprising that she was still alive. She did clean up, around 1993, but then she had an unfortunate accident (which I won’t rehash here) and died shortly after the 1994 New Year. I had yet to thank Grandma for the presents she had given me for Christmas, despite the fact that she lived about 7 minutes away. We got the call from my Aunt Robin that Grandma was gone, and after hanging up, the phone rang again…unfortunately, I had answered it, and it was my father, crying that “both my parents are gone.” Mom had rushed to the phone as well (I was upstairs on the phone in my room), and made me get off the phone.

In 1998, after I was in the Navy, and was in Electronics Technician “A” School in Great Lakes, IL, my Uncle Dick (Richard, after his father) passed. He’d been battling Huntington’s Disease since the 1970′s and I had seen him deteriorate in that time. He was my closest uncle, as I used to spend a great deal of time spending the night at his house, with my cousin Dave, who was the closest cousin in age to me, but 10 years my senior (Shayna and I are the last of the grandchildren, and we’re actually barely older than the great-grandchildren on that side of the family). I also saw him every weekend, from about 1985 until I went off for college for good in 1996 and then into the Navy in 1997, as we always brought him to Grandma and Grandpa’s on Saturdays when we visited.

Grandma Bernita (formerly Grandma Wood to all of us kids), was in a nursing home from the time I was in high school up until her death in 2002. As I mentioned above, we’d been visiting, every single weekend, with Grandma and Grandpa. I’ll be honest, I’m not 100% sure what she died of (likely heart failure if I remember correctly), as she was 81 when she died. It’s unfortunate, because from all accounts, she was a very spry and active woman, even when I was younger, but my lasting images of her are the years before the nursing home, when she had trouble getting up without help, and then the images of her from taking Grandpa Don and Uncle Dick with us to visit her every weekend once she was in the home and bed-ridden. She’d been asking to die for many years, but she’d always hung on. I’ll admit, I was not a fan of visiting her in the nursing home (I’m not like my sister-who actually worked there in the same nursing home-I can’t handle it), but I was glad that we went almost every week and that I’d taken my daughters, Justyce and Colbi Lyn to see her earlier that year while we were home. They were tiny, but they still remember Grandma Bernita and get sad that she’s no longer here. I didn’t bring the girls to her funeral, as they were 1 and 3 at the time.

In 2006, at the age of 30, I lost my final Grandparent. Grandpa Don went into the hospital in January, and never came out. This was one where we knew it was coming (much like the situation right now with Shayna), so we were a bit more prepared. Again, I flew home without the girls and went to the funeral, instead taking pictures and using the opportunity to talk to them about death and funerals. I hadn’t seen Grandpa since November of 2004.

Which then was put to the test later that year-in about a month and a half span, I lost a Navy friend (IT2 Courtney Gordon), a neighbor that I grew up next to (Jimmy Kuykendall), a former teacher (Frau Dillon) and my father. Now, there’s some issues surrounding my father’s death that I’m not going to get into here (I am already working on a blog about it), but obviously I flew home for it, and this time I took the girls with me as well. I mean, they may have only seen him a handful of times, and they did not know about the demons he battled (drug and alcohol abuse), but he was their “Papa Bo”. I hadn’t seen Dad since 2004 (which, at that time, was the last time I’d been home other than for Grandpa’s funeral) and hadn’t talked with him in over 5 months.

My father’s funeral was, to that point, the hardest thing I’d ever had to do. My father was a Yeoman in the Navy in the Vietnam Era. As a Veteran, he was entitled to a Military Service at Fort Custer National Cemetary in Battle Creek, MI. As has been the case with all the funerals I’ve attended since my Naval Service began, I wore my Dress Blues to the service. The most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do was Salute through my tears as they played TAPS for my father. Even my youngest daughter saluted (left-handed, I might add-I’ll put the pic up when I find it-the original pics were among those lost when I had a hard drive crash in 2007, and they weren’t backed-up anywhere)(she actually was saluting right-handed…she saluted left-handed at my re-enlistment a few weeks later, I got confused between the two) because I was.

I say that that was the hardest thing I’d dealt with up to that point, because I’m positive my sister’s funeral will be even more difficult on me. I know she’s been battling this disease for quite some time now, and she’s been quickly deteriorating, but it doesn’t make it easy that I’m losing my only sister when she’s 32 years old.

UPDATE 2/20/10:Unintentionally, I also left off a few of the family members I wasn’t as close to. My Aunt Jeanine passed away in 2007 after a long battle with Multiple Sclerosis. She’d been diagnosed with MS as long as I could remember.

I have also lost two of my cousins, both children of my mom’s oldest sister (Vonnie), to cancer. Shortly after Shayna was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, my cousin Steve was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer. He lived longer than they had told him he would, and passed away about 2 years later after he had been given 6 months to live. My cousin Marla, his sister, passed away last year due to Lung Cancer.