The Waiting Game

I brought it up in my second update of my update on my sister, but my sister Shayna, is not doing well. Let me lay the foundation for how my day went yesterday…

It started out normal, as I actually did get up to PT (ok, so maybe me making it to the gym wasn’t normal per se, but it is always my intention) and came in to work. Work was…well…work, and I’ll get more into that in a bit.

We had a phone conference (phonecon) for our team, where we go over the projects that we are working on. These things can last a few minutes to a couple of hours-on Tuesday, we actually had a 2 1/2 hour phonecon between our team. I’m not a big fan of where I work (it bores me to death, among other things), which is why I ended up terminating my Shore Duty a few months early so that I could go back to Sea. Back to the point, the phonecons are dry and boring, and I typically get up and go to the bathroom, or get a drink, or something every half-hour or so-just to get up and walk around and avoid falling asleep (which I would do if I didn’t get up semi-frequently).

So, we’d been in the phonecon for 45 minutes, and I got up to go to the bathroom. I then stopped by my desk, in order to check my phone (as I often do) to see if Mary’s texted me or anything. Well, there were two missed calls from my mom (10:11 am and 10:16am) and two corresponding voicemails. Just for the record, my mom isn’t one to call repeatedly unless something is wrong, particularly when she knows I would be at work. I checked the first voicemail shortly after 10:30, and it was mom, crying, telling me to call her. Obviously I started crying, skipped the second VM and called her right back.

Luckily(?), it wasn’t what I had thought…Shayna was still alive, but barely. Mom told me to tell her good bye because she wasn’t going to last long. At that point, it literally looked like she had minutes-to-hours, not months-to-a-year as her doctor had told her a few weeks ago. Still crying, I told her that I loved her, that she was my hero and that I was proud of her. I think I just repeated those things a few times, I was a bit in shock. I’ve never had to make a “deathbed phone call” before, and I hope I never will again.

I took a few (SEVERAL) minutes to compose myself, and let them finish up with the phonecon, and then I went in and told my boss what happened. I was kinda numb to be honest. He said “whatever you need, Chief” and I just came back out and got on the computer, knowing I wasn’t going to work, but needing something to occupy my time (so I read up on some Hardball Talk, as I’m an avid baseball freak). After about 10 minutes, my boss told me to go home if I needed to, and I honestly took him up on it because staying at work would drive me nuts even more than being at home would.

The rest of the day went well, but it was incredibly difficult. I went home, talked to Mary about the course of events that would happen once Event 0* happened. After Event 0, mom would call me to let me know. This would set into motion an important chain of events. First, she would have to call the American Red Cross and get a record message to me. This is due to the fact that I can’t take Emergency Leave without it, and also for the fact that I don’t have enough money to come back to Michigan on short-notice right now, as all of our money has gone towards our wedding and our trip at the end of next month (which I hoped Shayna would still be around for, and I’d be able to see her and tell her good bye then). After this message, I would be able to get a no-interest loan from the Navy/Marine Corps Relief Society (NMCRS) in order to fly myself, Mary, Justyce, Colbi and Devin back to MI. I remember when my father died in 2006 and I had to do the same thing, it cost the girls and I over $2000 to fly home, even on the Military Rate (an aside: the Military rate was cheaper than the Bereavement rate-I find this absolutely criminal.)

Back to yesterday-once I knew mom was calling the Red Cross, I would need to inform the TSC Quarterdeck (the building in which my command resides) and let them know that an AMCROSS is on the way and I need to know when it comes in (I’ve got to have the actual Date-Time Group from the message in order to talk to NMCRS). Now, this is where being the only military member in my command (I work for/with two retirees) is a detriment-they’re not supposed to give me the message, they’re supposed to give it to my Chain of Command. The problem is, I don’t have a Military Chain of Command, unless you count my bosses in Washington, D.C.. I am a Chief, and I am my own Chief. I would also need to call my boss and let him know the situation and that I would be taking emergency leave for 2 weeks, effective immediately. I would have to run the Leave chit through TSC’s QD.

After that, I need to get with the NMCRS to get the loan and tickets back to Michigan, and then pack and everything. Of course, true to our nature, even being gone a week (I anticipate being back in MI for about a week, as the girls can’t miss too much school, and then coming back here for a week off from work, as I will need time to decompress), there are many things we need to take into consideration and to inform that we won’t be there, such as Sea Cadets (Luke and Justyce), School (Justyce and Colbi Lyn), School of Rock (Justyce), band (Justyce) and orchestra (Colbi Lyn), Softball (Luke and Colbi), and Luke’s college course (just to inform them of a relative lack of participation due to the circumstances). There are so many things going on over the next week or so (including a Daddy-Daughter dance, which we’ve already spent money for tickets on, and bought the girls new dresses for), but obviously it’s all secondary to this likely trip to Michigan. I plan to get us there as soon as possible, not wasting any time, in order to be there and help my mom, Danny and the girls with whatever they need to.

So, now, for the second day in a row, I am simply playing the “waiting game”. It’s not easy to essentially just sit around, waiting for an inevitable phone call. I know she’s a fighter, and I love my sister, but I do want her pain to end. I’m not sure what she’s holding on to before she lets go, but it’s something. I just want my little sister to be at peace…

* I refer to Shayna’s death as Event 0, because that is the event that will set all others into motion. I just didn’t want to keep saying “when Shayna dies” or variations of that, it was much easier to refer to it as “Event 0.”